I feel that I only write about Paul, but I think it's because it's what I feel the most strongly about right now.
I didn't get accepted into Ft. Lewis College. I didn't cry or get terribly upset and oddly enough, I was actually somewhat happy about it. First, I was only going there to get out of Arizona. Second, I hate snow. Third, that means I have to stay here at least one more year which means more time with Paul.
I finally turned 18, the day I thought we both were waiting for. He didn't tell me happy birthday or anything and I was kind of upset about it. I mean he was counting down the days, why would he not tell me! It's so strange, he is different in person. He is the sweetest guy and is always telling me cute little comments but when he is not in front of me, he doesn't do that, He hardly ever talks to me.
He called me the day after and we talked on the phone for awhile. I was angry at him for not telling me happy birthday but as soon as I started talking to him and he started being cute, I couldn't be mad. I was with my friend and he is best friends with Paul. I asked him if he had been talking about me to him and he said yes. I asked him if Paul was into me (because it isn't apparent to me) and he said yes but there is a catch.
He wants to know if I believe that Jesus died on the cross for our sins.
*sigh* seriously? I knew religion would be an issue, but not this big of an issue. I am not going to lie and be fake about religion because to me that is disrespectful. I told my friend to tell him that I am spiritually seeking and like U2's song, "I still haven't found what I'm looking for."
This is the only thing that is keeping us apart besides the fact he rarely talks to me and this strange age difference I suddenly felt when I hung out with him on Monday. It's was obvious that we are both in different places in life. I'm mature for my age, but not on his level. I kinda feel like he treats me like a child.
I don't know how this is going to work, but I've never wanted to fight so hard for someone. I have no patience and this has taken everything and more from me. I think for the first time, I am truly falling for someone. My eyes are solely on him and I want nothing more than to give him everything I have because I believe he is worth it. Hopefully he sees it.